R.I.P Mumster - For the one who loved all selflessly !
It's been a week or so since it happened..
Mummy passed away on 25th November 2009..
It actually happened. Something that everyone was contemplating and fearing for 3-4yrs has happened.
How it happened ?
Her other leg was already getting infected with gangerine and we decided not to go ahead with the amputation cos going through with it wouldn't prolong her life nor make it any easy and we wouldn't wanna see her go without both legs.
So that was when the doctors gave us the OTHER side of the situation. Mum had very little time cos once her infection went into her blood stream, it would reach her heart and inevitably stop her heart meaning she would go into septic shock. Yes it was torturous cos every night and day since that moment, Me , my sister and my father never slept a wink. We were always in high alert and staying awake fearing that if we closed our eyes, we might not be alert to pick up any calls received from the nursing home.. We as a family in whole were going through this for close to 6yrs.. To know that it was all coming to an end was just explainable in words..
The pain, the worry and the fear was something noone should go through. Then came 20th December. Our first alarm. The nursing home called daddy around 12pm and said mummy wasn't responding and her eyes was only open and her BP was dropping.. All of us rushed to the hospital basically heart in hand and trying to keep each other calm. When we went there with my Raj Uncle, She soon became alert and alright. And we were a bit relieved. But deep inside we knew that THAT was not the end but only the beginning of the end. Then came 22nd December which was the second false alarm. But something inside me, Told me that mumster had close to one week only.
24th November Midnight, The nursing home called my dad and said her BP was dropping immensely and she was very weak. Because of the fact that it was after midnight and that the nursing home had strict visiting rules we had to wait til 6am. But those were 6hrs of my life, I was so afraid. For the first in a long time I bowed my head to pray that nothing should happen.
6am came and so we rushed off. Walking into the room and seeing her in that state was something NO daughter should ever see.. The woman that taught me all that I knew was just lying there clinging on for life trying to gasp for any bit of oxygen possible.
So that was when we decided to start making phone calls. And not less than 2hrs and the nursing home was filled with my immediate relatives. Tears and all.
We decided to bring her home cos in our hearts all of us knew she had very little hours and that if she was to go, we wanted her to go in her house with all her loved ones surrounding her.
And that was what she received.
Mumster must have been the luckiest person on earth that day cos EVERY SINGLE person she loved and adored and many more were there by her side. By 10pm, everyone left and it was only 15ppl or so left in my house.
Around 12.30am, Me and my sister finally were convinced to go and eat, I had taken my dinner earlier but i was in a rush to eat so my aunt finally had the two of us sit down and we were randomly talking. It was at that moment that my aunt said a random joke and me and my sister laughed out loud after a very long time. And that was when it happened at 12.45pm , 25th November 2009. I heard a loud cry and all three of us rushed into the room. That was when I saw my mother not moving, not breathing and soulless.. I just stood frozen and suddenly my sister started hyperventilating and my brother Gabilesh who was in the room when mum passed on quickly pulled my sister out and started consoling her.. All I could ever think about was to go and start making calls.. I started making calls and my aunt came out to ask me a question and I didn't know the reply to it.. From the moment, I was told that mummy was gonna pass on I made plans on what to do and how to react and when the moment came, My brain wasn't working and I was in complete shock. That was when I started crying.. My sister and her best friend Azizah held onto me as I cried. But I knew that 6yrs of holding back my emotions weren't gonna end just like that.
I always said that it was ever so oxymoron that the word 'Funeral' had the FUN in it cos Indian Funerals were oh-so-not fun AT ALL !! And that was how mumster's funeral was.
It was CROWDED, Tensions were flaring and people were taking advantage of our vulnerability esp my dad's !
My mother was someone who was kind to all and that showed on her funeral. There were close to 200 people who came to her funeral.. I was claustrophobic and I liked it.
Friends and Family all under one roof after so many years and all mellowed down just so that we can pay our respects to mumster was what she would have ever wanted.
Her cortege left 8.46pm cos it was delayed for some reason or the other.
The minute her cortege left. I couldn't help but cry my heart out.. My mum was truly physically gone from my house and I was truly motherless..
I went home and these days that followed have been truly painful. To wake up every morning seeing her face in a photo frame and every time someone says or does to hurt me, I'm unable to fight back for myself cos of these stupid 16days Hindu rituals crap is truly driving my nuts. Whoever came up with these needs to be cursed not to be born for the next umpteen births !!
I've been crying and for the first time, I'm very empty and vulnerable. For the first time in 9 days I'm finally home alone. It's just me and mumster. Deep down I know that she's looking at me everytime I cried when someone hurt us and worrying about me but like the last words I told her, I'll be fine... Even when I'm not, I know I eventually will be fine !
I can only be grateful and say this,
My mother never died as a rich woman with loads of cash and gold BUT she died a wealthy person with hundreds of people who adored her and though she's left her, She's left relatives and friends who would be with us through thick and thin..
I gaze at her picture even now and feel like I haven't lost her. She's still there. Somewhere. An angel in her true form looking at me and shaking her head at what a crazy little naughty gal I am. Everytime I cook, I know she's in me. I everytime I behave like a mother at the age of 18 I know she's in me and more importantly Everytime I'm sucha E+Y a.k.a easy to take advantage fool I know it was cos of her that I'm like this and I'm proud of it.. Every note I sing I know she's in it and I've never been more proud til this moment of myself.
For all those who have been there since the beginning :
THANK YOU !! There truly is NO words to describe the gratitude I have to all of you'll.. I love you'll and I never wanna lose you'll death do us apart and beyond. For all those watched me cry, Thank You for not showing the shock reactions in your face though I know all of you were shocked to see ME cry.. I love You guys !
For all those all have been hurting me and my family since the moment it happened :
RUN!! Cos Hell Knows No Fury Greater Than A Daughter's Wrath. When these religious stuff finishes, I'm gonna screw and ruin alot of people.. I maybe Sagunthalathevy's Daughter. The woman who never harmed anyone even when they hurt her and just cried herself to sleep and slipped into depression BUT I'm not gonna be her when it comes to matters like this cos when injustice is done. The wrong needs to be righted. If useless cow brained adults are not gonna do it. I WILL !!!!! So watch your back !!!!
There was one song that ran through me and my sister's minds when mumster was in her death bed and passed on.
Carrie Underwood's TEMPORARY HOME.
Esp these lines *Lines have been edited to what we were feeling* :
Young Mum, hospital bed
The room is filled with people she loves
And she whispers, “don’t cry for me,
I’ll see you all someday”
She looks up and says,
“I can see God’s face”
This is my temporary home
It’s not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I’m passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I’m going
I’m not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

I LOVE YOU MUMSTER !!
There's nothing I say that can stand comparison to the amount of love I have for you and the amount I miss you!! I miss your hugs that make me smile even when the world puts me down and I miss your untimely humor that makes me laugh ! Most of all I just miss everything about you !!
R.I.P Mumster !!
I'm planning a Memorial Service for mumster on the 20th Dec.. Nothing to do with religion but everything to do with her and everything straight from our hearts. I've decided to let this be planned wholly by the youngsters of the family. I've jumped into this as a blind hope with my love for her in my heart. I'm unsure of who's gonna stand by me and help me make this happen or who's gonna take every chance possible to ruin it BUT I'm doing it regardless of who stands by me. Cos this one's for you mumster !!



